


We Never Were (I Wish We Could Have Been)

by prowlstwinkass



Series: Falling In Love Isn't Perfect [2]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Rebound, Unrequited Love, kind of but not quite idk, tmw the person u like gets a partner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 10:36:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12209523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prowlstwinkass/pseuds/prowlstwinkass
Summary: Finding out that the person you love is with somebody else hurts... a lot. It's not as though you have a claim to them, not as though you were ever together but it still hurts...





	We Never Were (I Wish We Could Have Been)

**Author's Note:**

> My Jazz got a girlfriend and I wrote this in the three hours following this discovery (it only took so long because I was in school) because Prowl deserves better than that

Prowl had been getting over Jazz, he really had. His thoughts hardly ever turned to the mech, and he'd been quite successful in not interacting with him socially (not difficult when Jazz didn't try). Prowl could still feel that almost love (was it?) for Jazz, but it was fading with time and lack of proximity. He'd started talking to Sideswipe more, found the mech interesting and nice and maybe, just maybe he could like the red warrior, if only his love for Jazz would fade.

And then he saw Jazz with his arm around a mech (he didn't recognize him, a soldier or an operative or just someone) and kissing him on the lips and Prowl honestly hadn't expected it to hurt to much.

It wasn't a hurt so much as a void that just opened up inside him and made him feel cold and damp inside as though he'd just finished crying. Prowl looked at them and wondered what the other mech had that he didn't have– was it looks? Prowl knew he was pretty, knew that he was conventionally attractive. Perhaps the other mech was just nicer, more congenial, smiled more and acted happier and wasn't so odd as Prowl knew he could be. Prowl was scared, suddenly (but not for the first time) that he'd been too direct towards Jazz once or twice, and that he'd scared Jazz away. Except maybe it was just that he liked the other mech more and liked Prowl much, much less.

In the privacy of his office Prowl could not find it in him to cry. It wasn't hurt he felt, not even abandonment (this was all no surprise, he would shed no tears over something that would always have happened), but somehow he still felt like a ship adrift in space, its moorings cut and nothing to keep it grounded. It hadn't been love Prowl felt for Jazz (or was it?) but he had still felt that emotion, whatever it was, very strongly. It kept him together, reminded him that he could feel this thing, was capable of loving someone. And that tiny (minuscule, fractional, nearly nonexistent) chance of maybe having Jazz and being had by Jazz was enough to keep him hoping and loving. That chance wasn't there anymore. He had nothing in his spark but a void.

Over-dramatic, Prowl decided of himself as he stared across to the wall of his office. Over-dramatic, self-centered, selfish, undeserving, despicable, unwanted, unneeded, could be gone and no one would realize, could be bleeding and no one would care. Except all those thoughts were overdramatic and self-centered and selfish and despicable and he shouldn't be thinking them because that made him overdramatic and self-centered and selfish and–

"You're zoning out."

Prowl realized abruptly that he wasn't staring at a wall but at a broad red chest. "I'm sorry?"

Sideswipe leaned forward, a lopsided smile on his face, though his optics seemed almost earnest. "I've been here for a klik and you just stared right through me."

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize."

Sideswipe's smile widened. "Clearly."

Cast adrift with his spark gone and his confidence wavering and so unsure of himself, Prowl hunched his shoulders and stared at the table. "I'm sorry." Because he did just one more thing wrong on top of everything else and Primus he just couldn't do anything right, could he? Too much of a failure to attract Jazz's attention, and Primus wasn't that just so self-centered to be focusing on this when in the big scheme of things it wasn't so important, Prowl was just a speck and nothing he thought or felt mattered and there were others out there losing limbs and lovers and here he was feeling sorry for himself and–

"It's okay, we all get like that sometimes."

Prowl just hunched further, staring hard at the Autobot insignia on Sideswipe's chest. "I'm sorry."

Sideswipe's smile faded with something that may have been concern but Prowl only really looked up for a moment. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, I'm just tired." So very tired. He felt that weariness one feels after crying, even though he'd not shed a single tear.

"You sure it's not something else?"

There was something in Sideswipe's voice that made Prowl look up, an almost frown forming. "What do you mean?" The suspicion in his voice was enough to provoke an honest answer.

"I saw Jazz with his new beau, I guess you're upset about it."

Prowl's frown solidified to something very confused. "What?" Had he been too obvious? Did Jazz know too? Were he and his lover laughing about that one tactician that had been so obviously and pathetically in love with Jazz? "How?"

Sideswipe laughed, but only slightly. "I've never seen you smile so much at anyone else."

Had he been that sort of mech Prowl would have flushed, but as it was he merely shrank into himself more. "Oh."

There was that concern-like thing again (was it really concern?) as Sideswipe leaned forward. "There's nothing wrong with that, Prowl. Even I've had my optic on Jazz."

"I was stupid to even think..." Prowl couldn't make himself say it to someone he didn't know (but he could know him).

"Not stupid; Jazz is a real catch, and I'm sure plenty of mechs would agree." Sideswipe was smiling. It was nice as far as smiles go; earnest and empathetic– better than a cynical smile or a vaguely polite one.

Prowl sighed heavily. "Why are you here, Sideswipe?" The words came out more dejected than Prowl had intended.

"Looking after a friend's emotional well-being, obviously."

Somehow Prowl wasn't surprised, except he sort of was. "We're friends?"

Sideswipe grinned. "Of course! I don't bless people with my presence for kicks."  
Prowl felt a small smile touch his lips, wan but present. Sideswipe laughed for the both of them. Prowl took a deep breath and let it out, feeling the damp in his chest fade just slightly.

"Thank you, Sideswipe."

"What kind of friend would I be if I weren't there to comfort you when you're spark-broken." Sideswipe stood up. "Come on, I've got some engex we can share and you can sob a little before your recovery." Prowl laughed then, and the tiny piece of his spark that had become his new friendship with Sideswipe glowed a little brighter.

They talked and talked and drank a little and maybe he cried but Sideswipe was his friend and it was too good for words to have a real friend. Prowl didn't hold his engex well and he found himself talking and talking and then he said, "Will you be my best friend?" Because he didn't have any real friends, not even Jazz had been a real friend, and he really just wanted someone who'd be his friend and only his so that he wouldn't have to worry about them not talking to him and he said as much to Sideswipe in too fast, slurring words.

Sideswipe placed a heavy servo on his shoulder to stop Prowl's waving and maybe he was crying a little, and Sideswipe said, "Of course I'll be your best friend, Prowl." The doorwinger couldn't quite interpret Sideswipe's expression through the haze but it didn't look pitying so he smiled and thanked the warrior.

It was nice having a friend. Sideswipe was nice. Different from Jazz, and all the better for it. He'd get over Jazz eventually and then maybe, maybe he could love... But Prowl fell asleep before he could finish the thought.

**Author's Note:**

> The ending is unsatisfactory but it's okay


End file.
